I have this vision of an older me. I’m two parts CS Lewis and one part Winston Churchill sprinkled with a little Dallas Willard for flavoring. I’m drenched in wisdom and quick wit. I understand the importance of a deep, spiritual life and the occasional cigar with my scotch. Those who witness my life are struck by the overwhelming joy I possess. Everyone who comes near my orbit is sucked into the black-hole of peace and contentment that surrounds me. It is obvious to all who will open their eyes that I am a citizen of the Kingdom. I live my life as if I have a secret. I understand that being a Christian doesn’t just mean attaching my name to the right causes and slapping a fish symbol on the back of my car. I walk hand-in-hand with Christ willingly. Satan will grow tired of attempting to lure me from my God. I will be a modern day Job who is steadfastly devoted to Christ.
In my vision, I’ve been married to Stefanie for decades. Our church and community recognize us as the elderly couple that gives their all to helping others. Occasionly, we volunteer to watch the small children in church so their parents can enjoy worship. Stefanie will look on with mock embarrassment when my inner child is unleashed to play with the kids. We will donate our time and money to several charities. Our life will be a simple one that reflects Christ’s presence at all times. My wife and I have learned to embrace Jesus’ lessons about living the Kindgom life in the here and now. Her faith will perfectly complement my own. We will both recognize that our time on earth is precious, so we will spend the majority of it in prayer, worship, Bible study, and service.
I can see this vision of an older me … but it seems unattainable.
The problem is that the person I am in the here and now keeps getting in the way. I am selfious, prideful, and quick to anger. I am impatient, sarcastic, and even vulgar at times. I’m prone to cuss if I’m seriously perturbed. Amazingly, I don’t always like people. I have to constantly remind myself that God created everyone … even those that get on my nerves. I’m an easy target for the enemy because I fall for the same setups over and over again. I’ve grown so accustomed to sinning that I am sure Satan’s minions find it hilarious when I am begging for forgiveness yet again. I feel as if I sometimes embarrass Christ.
Sure, there are days that I feel like I’ve taken a step closer to my vision, but those days are too often erased by my inexplicable failures. There are days I feel like I will never be who He created me to be because I am stuck as who I am.
It is comforting to remind myself that God has dreams for me as well … and I’m sure His are far more awesome than anything I can imagine. I need to learn how to submit to His will in spite of myself. I can not allow my own weaknesses to disorient me. I must always put Him first to allow the rest of my life to fall into place.
Lord … I pray for a good endgame. I pray that as I age, you will continue to bless me. I pray that the person I am will not overtake the person that I could be. I pray that the stress of life will never kidnap the joy that I have in You. I pray that someday I will realize the person you created me to be. I ask that you bless my marriage so that we may flourish as an example of Your Kingdom. I pray for Your will in my life.
Amen.
----> Clark Goble is a disciple of Christ, a husband, father, student, and writer. He welcomes your comments and encourages you to leave one here or email him at cdgobleATgmail.com. You can follow his twitter updates at http://twitter.com/#!/CDGoble
This blog represents the thoughts, opinions, and work of one imperfect disciple of Christ and his occasional guest posters. It does not express the opinions of any institution, denomination, or local church. I am a graduate student studying the Bible, a writer, and a student of Christ. 
Your wife thinks you’re pretty perfect. I love your vision of the future. I especially like that you didn’t mention me being at the prison in the future. I love you Clark David!
Clark: This post is very well written. Great job.
Thanks dude. I appreciate it.
How easily we come down on ourselves.
You write so well Clark. You describe your vision with such clarity, it is so easy for me to picture it. But maybe it’s not just your writing, but because I see so much of what you describe already in you.
You talk of spending of spending time with Stephanie and playing with kids while volunteering at church. I see you with your family now. You talk of your faith and Stephanie’s faith complimenting each other. I read the blogs both of you write. You talk of recognizing how precious life is and wanting to worship of savior. I say Christ has already put that on your heart. You say it’s a vision of your future. I think we live one day at a time and your future is closer than you realize.
I wouldn’t worry that Satan is finding it funny that you beg Christ for forgiveness over and over. I’d say that Satan is howling in pain seeing that you know the love our Father has for us and that you stay close to God even with our daily faults.
You are the man God has created you to be. You don’t need to wait for some future date to come for that. You will grow from here, we all will. But know that your visions are quite possibly God showing you the man you already are…
Wow … Thanks for writing that Russ … Really.
Thanks to you I’ve gotten to have the first peace and quiet I’ve had in weeks. Right now it is 5:00 a.m. and there are scented tea candles lit, the lights are out and it’s just me spending time in worship. God has been on my mind all night. Michael W. Smith is giving me the perfect background for worshipping God with “Breathe”. I only wish that you were here. I have no heat thanks to the furnace being down but I know God is around. Just like the Lyrics of the song, “I’m lost without God. He is the air I breathe.”. How blessed I feel to have a husband that encourages me to get alone with God. It has occurred to me that I feel so much peace right now that I don’t understand people that just become Christians to slide through the pearly gates. Just like Michael W. Smith is now singing, “I’m coming back to the heart of worship and it’s all about you, Jesus”. It’s weird that I saw him in concert as a teen and now my daughter can hear him too. Thanks for the solitude. Silence truly is golden.
Churchill and Lewis? You’re going to turn awfully British in your future self. Seriously though, very well written!
I guess I didn’t think about that when I wrote the post Chad! At least I’ll have a cool accent … hey, maybe that’s what happened to Madonna!