Are we really speaking the truth in love?
It appears that most Christians are familiar with Paul’s direction to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). Unfortunately, we often misconstrue these words as license to say whatever we want to whomever we want whenever we want. Regardless of how callous and insensitive our words are, we justify it by saying we are “speaking the truth in love.”
Is this really what Paul had in mind? Was Paul suggesting that it is okay to hurt someone’s feelings because we’re convinced we are correct? As often is the case when we take small snippets of Scripture out of context, Paul’s words seem to be misapplied by many of us. A deeper study of Scripture is required for us to truly understand what Paul is (and is not) saying here.
The first question that we need to ask ourselves is what “truth” Paul is speaking of. For many of us, we use his words to justify arguing with one another over trivial misunderstandings. It is important for us to realize that Paul was speaking about doctrine in Ephesians 4:15. In the verses proceeding verse 15, Paul writes that “once we are mature in our faith and knowledge of Christ, we will no longer be like little children tossed about by the winds and waves of false teachings contrived by the cleverness and cunning of deceit” (Ephesians 4:13-14 paraphrased). Paul is writing about our training into the works of Christ’s ministry (Ephesians 4:12). Some of us are called to be apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers (verse 11), but all of us have a responsibility to be fully trained so that we may speak the “truth” [concerning Christ] in love so we may grow to be more Christ-like and assume our roles as properly functioning members of the Body of Christ (Ephesians 4:16).
In his commentary, Matthew Henry writes, “The best method we can take to fortify ourselves against such [false doctrine] is to study the sacred oracles [Scripture], and to pray for the illumination and grace of the Spirit of Christ, that we may know the truth as it is in Jesus, and be established in it. That we should speak the truth in love, or follow the truth in love, or be sincere in love to our fellow-Christians. While we adhere to the doctrine of Christ, which is the truth, we should live in love one with another. Love is an excellent thing; but we must be careful to preserve truth together with it. Truth is an excellent thing; yet it is requisite that we speak it in love, and not in contention. These two should go together – truth and peace.”
For us to rip the words “truth in love” out of its context and apply it to every disagreement we have with others is to misapply Paul’s words. We should always speak the truth in love when it concerns the Gospel of Christ as taught by the apostles and recorded in the Holy Scriptures. In trivial matters, even when we think we are right, it is often best for us to keep our mouths shut.
How should we treat others outside of the context Paul is speaking of in Ephesians? The fifth chapter of Paul’s first epistle to the church in Thessalonica is a wonderful place to find guidance concerning how we are to live with one another. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says that we should be concerned with encouraging and edifying one another. This attitude is mirrored in Colossians 4:6 where Paul writes that our “speech should always be gracious and seasoned with salt.” Paul continues in 1 Thessalonians to say that we should be at peace among ourselves, warn those who are lazy, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with one another, and see to it that no one repays evil for evil (1 Thessalonians 5:13-15).
There are some questions we must ask ourselves when we find ourselves at odds with others.
Is the point of our contention a matter of doctrine essential to the Gospel of Jesus Christ as presented in the Scriptures?
As the great poet Kenny Rogers once wrote, you have to “know when to hold them and no when to fold them.” Basically, some things are worth fighting for and others simply aren’t. If you find yourself at odds with another person, you must ask yourself if the point of contention is really worth fighting for. I love debating and standing up for the Word of God. 1 Peter 3:15 directs us to always be ready to give defense for the hope others see in us. Defending the Gospel of Christ and the directives found in Scriptures is a worthy cause provided we do so in love. Fighting over trivial issues; however, detracts us from the Truth.
Am I violating the word of God in my response to others?
We must honestly search our hearts when dealing with others … especially when we find ourselves at odds. Are we trying to edify our enemy or tear them down? Often times we know the answer to this question; however, we don’t take the time to ask it. We know our hearts. We know our motivation often times before we open our mouths.
Do I fear God enough to sacrifice my right to be right?
Let’s face it. Many times we are correct when someone else has slighted us. We know we’re right and we want the immediate gratification of proving it. Yet God has shown us another path. God has told us through His Word how we should respond when slighted. Christ Himself said that sometimes we are to turn the other cheek. Where does the strength to turn the other cheek come from? It comes from a faith in Christ and a reverential fear of God. Paul wrote in the Book of Romans, “Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead leave room for His [God’s] wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me [God]; I will repay, says the Lord, But if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in doing so you will be heaping fiery coals on his head. Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good” (Romans 12: 19-21).
Do we trust God enough to live at peace with one another, keep our tongues in check, and allow Him to avenge us? Is our belief in Christ strong enough to encourage us to love the unlovable (Matthew 5:44)?
In closing, we should keep in mind that Paul writes our troubles in this world are slight afflictions when compared to the incomparable eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17).
Choose your battles wisely and love one another. Amen.